It has recently come to my attention that since I began truck driving my sense of humor has become even more obtuse than it was previously, if that is even possible. I think this has something to do with my recent obsession with word play. Perhaps I have been watching too many mo lei tau movies. Whatever the case may be, I have shared several of these word play jokes via facebook, but I think they may have been too obtuse and therefore no one understood what I was saying. Maybe they just thought I was going crazy. Maybe I am going crazy. Maybe they understood but just didn't think the jokes were funny. I don't know, but I do know that I have been finding immense amusement from them and want to share the mirth. However I have realized that facebook is not the ideal venue for sharing jokes that need to be explained, so I thought I would create a blog post that was a collection of some of these plays on words that I have recently come up with.
I have named this endeavor The Ministry of Silly Talks, or Hume Ahab her dove us as theme in history hooves ill eat ox. Just read it out loud and kind of fast without enunciating too well and it sounds the same, but if you don't get it don't try too hard if hit snot men tubby, it's not meant to be. I have come up with several of these phonetic plays on words, but I think that perhaps when sharing them with others I need to explain what I am doing rather than just posting a bunch of gibberish. Although it could be argued that everything I say is a bunch of gibberish, so maybe it doesn't really matter at all.
But, I will press on and share a few more examples of this type of gibberish. For instance the ministry may in fact be egg of or mint Asian sea. And iamb knots or tin, but I think I hamper fact hilly sayin'.
I have also come up with new ways of calling several states. Two of them fall under the previous category of word play: New ham? Sure. and Mrs. Hippie. And I was rather proud of myself for discovering that Massachusetts actually means collections of group sneezes.
That Saul fern how? But perhaps I'll post more later.
Selected Works of William Barnes: Dorsetshire's Unvictorian Nineteenth Century Poet
Written for VCU ENGL 322: Victorian Poetry
The assignment for this piece was to edit an anthology of works by a neglected Victorian poet. We were to include a cover letter expressing why we felt the anthology should be published, a table of contents listing the poems we wished to include in the anthology, an introduction to the anthology, and a list of further reading on the poet. Sorry the footnote links don't seem to work, but the numbers match up. And in case you want to learn more about him check out the William Barnes Society. Click the title to see the full text.
The assignment for this piece was to edit an anthology of works by a neglected Victorian poet. We were to include a cover letter expressing why we felt the anthology should be published, a table of contents listing the poems we wished to include in the anthology, an introduction to the anthology, and a list of further reading on the poet. Sorry the footnote links don't seem to work, but the numbers match up. And in case you want to learn more about him check out the William Barnes Society. Click the title to see the full text.
The Seven Chairs
Written for VCU ENGL 307: Teaching Writing Skills
Spring 2011
This piece was written for an assignment in which we were given several images from The Mysteries of Harris Burdick and asked to write a story based on one of the images and using the caption for that image.
Click the title to get to the full text.
Spring 2011
This piece was written for an assignment in which we were given several images from The Mysteries of Harris Burdick and asked to write a story based on one of the images and using the caption for that image.
 |
| The fifth one ended up in France. |
Click the title to get to the full text.
e e cummings
i have just found this draft from several years back entitled e e cummings it was entirely blank except for that title so i have written this post to go with it and am posting it
Sittin' on the shitter
Sittin' on the shitter
And I wish you could'a' been 'ere
Cause its only now that you can see the glitter
That I had last night for dinner.
I wrote this a while back on a slip of paper that consequently became lost. This post in turn became lost as a draft that I forgot was here for an even longer period of time, but I'm looking through all my drafts now and found it so it will now become an official post. I think it was a draft because I felt that at some point I would use it as a starting point for a longer poem, but I don't see that happening anytime in the near future so here it is.
And I wish you could'a' been 'ere
Cause its only now that you can see the glitter
That I had last night for dinner.
I wrote this a while back on a slip of paper that consequently became lost. This post in turn became lost as a draft that I forgot was here for an even longer period of time, but I'm looking through all my drafts now and found it so it will now become an official post. I think it was a draft because I felt that at some point I would use it as a starting point for a longer poem, but I don't see that happening anytime in the near future so here it is.
Poem for my body
Last night I was thinking about death and it occurred to me that I have a very specific wish for what will be done with my body after I die, but I have not really told many people what it is. So I decided to compose a poem that I think I will have tattooed somewhere on my body (possibly my back) which explicates my wishes. This way no matter when or where I die and no matter who finds my body (as long as they can read english) it will be known what to do with my body.
Dear Sir or Madame should you find
My body cold and dead,
I hope that you will be so kind
To do as I have said.
Aboard some stout wood barge or boat,
I wish to be sent forth.
A flaming arrow as I float
Shall be my life's resort.
Dear Sir or Madame should you find
My body cold and dead,
I hope that you will be so kind
To do as I have said.
Aboard some stout wood barge or boat,
I wish to be sent forth.
A flaming arrow as I float
Shall be my life's resort.
(What I think is) A feminist argument for not using the he/she or she/he gender nonspecific pronoun
This sort of came to me while I was working today. That will happen when you spend long hours pushing a lawn mower around. It gives you lots of time to think about all sorts of random shit.
Before I get into my argument I suppose I should point out that I am doing this merely as a thought exercise. I think the debate is actually completely irrelevant because I happen to buy into Chomsky's theory of Universal Grammar, which is a commonly accepted explanation of how languages work and evolve. The way I understand Universal Grammar it defines pronouns as part of the determiner functional category of free morphemes and therefore part of the closed class. This means that pronoun usage cannot be changed by conscious means over a short period of time. Their usage can only change evolutionarily over generational time periods. Therefore making a debate over whether we should try to change pronoun usage a moot point, if it happens it will happen evolutionarily as a reflection of changes in the culture rather than consciously as a means of bringing about that change.
So first I suppose I will outline what I think is the argument for using a gender nonspecific pronoun rather than the more traditional "he" in indeterminate instances. Our culture is male dominant. I suppose some would argue against this, but I think that if you really look at the reality of the situation that is what you will find. I think that's shameful, but true nonetheless. There is an element of the politically correct movement that wants to change pronoun usage in the English language. The way I understand it is that they feel that in order to move towards gender equality it is necessary to remove the various aspects of our culture that enable and reflect gender inequality. This would seem to make sense, and I would argue that for many truly harmful aspects of our culture that is the right course of action.
But compared to something like say wage inequality pronoun usage would seem to me to be relatively benign. However this aspect of our culture serves as a constant reminder of the male dominant history of English speaking cultures. Here I'm somewhat embarrassed to use a cliche but it really does sum up a good bit of my argument: Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. So in our language we have a built in constant reminder of the shameful heritage and current state of our culture. Is it not better to keep the relatively benign aspects of our culture that remind us of much more harmful aspects as well as elements of our history that we wish not to repeat? Seems that way to me, but than again what the hell do I know.
Before I get into my argument I suppose I should point out that I am doing this merely as a thought exercise. I think the debate is actually completely irrelevant because I happen to buy into Chomsky's theory of Universal Grammar, which is a commonly accepted explanation of how languages work and evolve. The way I understand Universal Grammar it defines pronouns as part of the determiner functional category of free morphemes and therefore part of the closed class. This means that pronoun usage cannot be changed by conscious means over a short period of time. Their usage can only change evolutionarily over generational time periods. Therefore making a debate over whether we should try to change pronoun usage a moot point, if it happens it will happen evolutionarily as a reflection of changes in the culture rather than consciously as a means of bringing about that change.
So first I suppose I will outline what I think is the argument for using a gender nonspecific pronoun rather than the more traditional "he" in indeterminate instances. Our culture is male dominant. I suppose some would argue against this, but I think that if you really look at the reality of the situation that is what you will find. I think that's shameful, but true nonetheless. There is an element of the politically correct movement that wants to change pronoun usage in the English language. The way I understand it is that they feel that in order to move towards gender equality it is necessary to remove the various aspects of our culture that enable and reflect gender inequality. This would seem to make sense, and I would argue that for many truly harmful aspects of our culture that is the right course of action.
But compared to something like say wage inequality pronoun usage would seem to me to be relatively benign. However this aspect of our culture serves as a constant reminder of the male dominant history of English speaking cultures. Here I'm somewhat embarrassed to use a cliche but it really does sum up a good bit of my argument: Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. So in our language we have a built in constant reminder of the shameful heritage and current state of our culture. Is it not better to keep the relatively benign aspects of our culture that remind us of much more harmful aspects as well as elements of our history that we wish not to repeat? Seems that way to me, but than again what the hell do I know.
Get Drunk!
Baudelaire may have felt that this worked best in prose form, and maybe it does in the French, but I think at least my translation is better this way.
Get Drunk!
One should always be drunk.
That's all that matters:
it is the only question.
So as not to feel the horrid burden of Time
which breaks your back and
bows you down to the ground,
you must get drunk without ceasing.
But with what?
With wine,
with poetry,
or with virtue
as you please.
But get drunk.
And if at times,
on the steps of a palace,
or in the green grass of a ditch,
or in the dismal solitude of your room,
you are waking up,
with drunkenness diminished and disappeared, ask
of the wind,
of the wave,
of the star,
of the bird,
of the clock,
of all that which flees,
of all that which groans,
of all that which rolls,
of all that which sings,
of all that which speaks,
ask what time it is;
and the wind, the wave, the star,
the bird, the clock will reply:
"It is time to get drunk!
So as not to be the martyred slaves of Time,
get drunk;
get drunk without ceasing!
With wine, with poetry, or with virtue as you please."
from the French: Get Drunk!
Get Drunk!
One should always be drunk. That's all that matters: it is the only question. So as not to feel the horrid burden of Time which breaks your back and bows you down to the ground, you must get drunk without ceasing.
But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue as you please. But get drunk.
And if at times, on the steps of a palace, or in the green grass of a ditch, or in the dismal solitude of your room, you are waking up, with drunkenness diminished and disappeared, ask of the wind, of the wave, of the star, of the bird, of the clock, of all that which flees, of all that which groans, of all that which rolls, of all that which sings, of all that which speaks, ask what time it is; and the wind, the wave, the star, the bird, the clock will reply: "It is time to get drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk; get drunk without ceasing! With wine, with poetry, or with virtue as you please."
original:
Enivrez-vousIl faut etre toujours ivre. Tout est la: c'est l'unique question. Pour ne pas sentir l'horrible fardeau du Temps qui brise vos épaules et vous penche vers la terre, il faut vous enivrer sans treve.
Mais de quoi? De vin, de poésie ou de vertu, a votre guise. Mais enivrez-vous.
Et si quelquefois, sur les marches d'un palais, sur l'herbe verte d'un fossé, dans la solitude morne de votre chambre, vous vous réveillez, l'ivresse déja diminuée ou disparue, demandez au vent, a la vague, a l'étoile, a l'oiseau, a l'horloge, a tout ce qui fuit, a tout ce qui gémit, a tout ce qui roule, a tout ce qui chante, a tout ce qui parle, demandez quelle heure il est; et le vent, la vague, l'étoile, l'oiseau, l'horloge, vous répondront: "Il est l'heure de s'enivrer! Pour n'etre pas les esclaves martyrisés du Temps, enivrez-vous; enivrez-vous sans cesse! De vin, de poésie ou de vertu, a votre guise."
Favorite bands
Damn! I completely forgot I had a blog. Well, I've decided to make a list of what I consider to be the best bands in the country. You must understand that I make no assumptions about bands that I have not seen. I haven't seen them so I can't rate them. So that being said, this list can more be seen as the bands that I would consider among the best no matter how good any other band I may see is. If that makes sense. So here goes.
Old Crow Medicine Show (how could I not include these guys?)
Belleville Outfit (based out of Austin)
No BS! Brass Band (how can anyone from Richmond leave them off a list of best bands?)
The Hot Seats (another Richmond band)
Carolina Chocolate Drops (I've only seen these guys in videos but the first time they're in Richmond I'm there)
Umphrey's McGee (no explanation necessary)
Popebear (I'll admit that I'm biased on this one, but that's not gonna change my opinion. They're the best.)
Meshiya Lake (she performs with the Loose Marbles and the Little Big Horns)
That's all I can think of right now. I'll possibly (though not likely) update the list at some point or other. But if you are reading this and see any bands mentioned that you haven't heard of you should check them out.
Old Crow Medicine Show (how could I not include these guys?)
Belleville Outfit (based out of Austin)
No BS! Brass Band (how can anyone from Richmond leave them off a list of best bands?)
The Hot Seats (another Richmond band)
Carolina Chocolate Drops (I've only seen these guys in videos but the first time they're in Richmond I'm there)
Umphrey's McGee (no explanation necessary)
Popebear (I'll admit that I'm biased on this one, but that's not gonna change my opinion. They're the best.)
Meshiya Lake (she performs with the Loose Marbles and the Little Big Horns)
That's all I can think of right now. I'll possibly (though not likely) update the list at some point or other. But if you are reading this and see any bands mentioned that you haven't heard of you should check them out.
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