The mind

BANG! Ha that wasn't what you were expecting was it you dirty rat bastard. Actually it wasn't what I was expecting either. I meant to start this post with 'Have you ever wondered...' something or another. But then my mind started wandering and I forgot what I was wondering, so that's how we get to the big bang. Not the Big Bang mind you just the big one. And by this point I've managed to remember what I was wondering before I started wandering and that was how the mind works. No one really knows. The process of figuring it out is sort of like building the trans continental railway. There are two sides of how it works, the physical aspects and the psychological ones. And as far as I understand it the one is barely to the Rockies and the other is still stuck in the Catskills. Which basically means we have no real understanding of how the brains works. We may somewhat understand how people think, and we are starting to get a grasp on how physical processes in the brain work. But we have absolutely no understanding of how they are connected. I may be wrong on this, I'm not a scientist or anything, but I try ot keep up to date with scientific progress, and I would assume I would have heard about any grand breakthroughs in how the physics of the brain affect how we think. I'm even more unsure about my transcontinental railroad metaphor. The metaphor works but I really have no idea where each side is relative to the coasts. I don't think the scientists really know either. It seems to me that its more like building a transcontinetal railraod when you have no idea how big the continent is. For all we know the two branches could have gone far enough to reach each other but somehow gotten off course and never connected. Well that's about all I wanted to say. Oh and thanks Kelley for being my muse in this instance. All you really did was ask if I had written anything, but apparently that was enough.

More thoughts on pig weed

I know its not really the best thing to be thinking about. But I can't seem to keep this pig weed idea out of my head. Some may say that all of the ideas expressed in both this post and the last are completely unethical and extremely cruel. And to those people I say I completely agree. But it makes an interesting and thoroughly amusing thought experiment.
Ok I've got this pretty much completely figured out now. I still haven't really considered how many pigs you would need per say square meter of sea of green style grow, but I'll outline the strategy for one pig and that could be repeated for more if necessary. First of all you're gonna need a treadmill. Good meat requires good muscles, not overly tough but still reasonably well exercised. The confinement of a grow op and the need to keep the pigs from eating the plants means you will probably have to cage the pig. Now this should be fine, many domesticated pigs are raised as pets in cages. This does raise another problem: for god's sake don't give the pig a name. At first giving the pig a name may sound like a good idea, but don't be fooled. When you are looking down at that delicious bowl of roast pork do you really want to be thinking 'Oh God! I've killed Betsy!' NO! You want to be thinking 'mmm this is gonna taste great.' So just skip the whole name idea. Now on to the cage. The size of your cage should depend both on the size of pig you have and the size of your growroom. I would suggest getting a cage that can fit the treadmill inside, that way you won't have to deal with supervising the pig's exercise. Also you will probably want to be able to get inside the cage yourself. You don't want your weed smelling like a pig sty now do you? I'm no expert on pig exercise habits, but I figure a couple hours a day of casual walking pace on the treadmill should be good.
Well that's about all I've thought of so far. I'll post more ideas if any come to mind.


(Please note that if you can't tell this is a joke then you are an utter moron and I have no respect for you at all)

For all you unethical marijuana growers

I was just reading about a bust on a grow op and I was intrigued by the whole ventilation problem. Not necessarily the smell problem but the problem of replenishing CO2 in an indoor grow room. And while considering the methods of doing this, which usually involve pumping air into or out of the room, I came up with a quite different idea. I don't think it would actually be feasible and even if it was I would not suggest it as it verges on cruelty to animals. Actually it is cruel to animals there's no verging in this case. So my idea is this. Keep some type of animal in your grow-room. I'm thinking pigs. I don't know anything about numbers, but unless you have a huge grow I doubt you would want more than one or two. Why not mimic nature. That's basically what the rest of the grow room is trying to do. So why not use animals the way the natural environment does. We, as animals, breath in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide. And plants in return use that carbon dioxide to create energy and expel oxygen as a byproduct. Actually it works the other way around. The plants were first. We just developed a way to use their byproducts. But that doesn't really matter in this case. Of course as I said before, raising pigs in your grow room would be highly unethical as you would be raising them in a confined space in which they would never even see the light of day. But on the bright side you would have plenty of delicious bacon, ham, pork chops, etc. to eat when you start getting the munchies.

new kazoo

It's been some time since I wrote anything for this thing. I have been writing, but for the magazine and before that I was having some difficulty coming up with things to write about. I'm still not having the most brilliant ideas. I won't claim that I ever had brilliant ideas but I rather liked the one about the owl and the well and the big tree that inverted into a well. That happens to be one of my personal favorites. But enough of that gibberish, we need to get to the real point of this post. Actually to tell you the truth this post has no real point. It doesn't even have a fake point. It has absolutely no point at all. Unless you consider periods points, which technically they are. Really since you are reading this on a computer the whole thing is points. Each pixel is an individual point. So this post is in reality full of points. I say screw those points, we need to find some mental point to fixate on. Otherwise the whole thing has been a giant waste of time. If you consider typing randomly for 3 min a giant waste of time. Some people think its not a waste of time at all. And others may even claim that despite it being a waste of time, it can by no means be referred to accurately as giant. But I can remedy that. If I just keep writing who knows how giant or even gargantuan I could make this. But then we still have to deal with the people who would claim it is no waste of time and rather a useful mental activity. To these people: 'I poo-poo you.' Yes I said it. This is a real and official poo-pooing. Be warned if you do not change your opinion I shall have to poo-poo you again. And I know you don't want to be double poo-pooed. Wait a second, now that I think about it I may have sided on the wrong side here. Do I really want to claim that I am wasting time. Maybe I should switch my opinion so that what I'm doing makes sense. No, that would make too much sense. I would much rather poo-poo those who try to help me. It's much less productive, and we can't let it out that I may support productivity. That could be disastrous for my career. Who knows what sort of crazed workaholic people might start thinking I am. I have enough trouble keeping up with the meager, I might go as far as to say nonexistent, workload that I have now. If people started expecting real work out of me, things could get tough. Who knows, I could turn into some drug crazed dope fiend, so twisted on speed and blow that I couldn't stop working even if I tried. And don't forget caffeine, that shit is much more powerful than commonly perceived. Sorry I just got a kazoo, can't write any more.

magazine33

I don't know if anyone actually reads this thing, and frankly I don't really care. So fuck you. I'm just kidding. I love you, if you're there. But that's not why I'm writing. Gotta do a bit of shameless promotion. So if you're reading this you shouldn't be. You should instead be reading my new magazine article in Magazine33. You can find it at http://magazine33.com/issue/october2009/article/let-s-go-honky-tonkin. Ok that is all.

Che

Damn, its been a while since I wrote anything. I guess I haven't had much to say. It's hard to think let alone say with that damn fan vibrating. Every damn time it oscillates toward me it rattles, but its too fucking hot to turn it off. In retrospect it's not all that hot. Hmm, the folks next door are smoking a swisher. I can smell it through the window. I think its grape. Not all that sure, my nose is a bit stuffy so the olfactory senses are not working at full capacity. I can just pretend the smell is coming from that cigar Che is smoking as he looks out over my room form his vantage point on the wall. Its not the standard picture of him. When I first got the shirt, I never thought I'd hang it on the wall. But I like it too much to let it get worn out, and there was this big blank spot on my wall between the 'Don't drink and drive, smoke and fly' poster and the picture of my family. He fits well there. Its comforting to know I always have Che looking out over me, smoking a cigar. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I never really am. It's no fun if you know where you'll end up when you start. The Motorcycle Diaries is a fanastic story. It gets that last statement. Che knew what he was doing when he set out not knowing what he would do. I'm not sure that sentence makes sense, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying. Can't write any more. The music is too good. I can't think with this bass line, it just invades my head and makes me feel good.

Train's Runnin' Late

I wasn't expecting this. Not on the train. The train runs on time, dammit. I'm losing faith. 10 minutes late? Oh that's just an oddity. 20 minutes? Starting to bug me. 1 hour and 15 minutes: what the fuck? This isn't the bus. We should have been in by sundown. Well, at least the Apaches aren't attacking, and we don't have any whining bankers. At least not that I've heard. Too bad we don't have John Wayne: The Ringo Kid, or Doc Boone. Then we'd have a good time. Doc's my kind of man: likes the occasional nip of whiskey. It keeps the spirits high. I'm not drunk, I'm happy.

The Other Side

Have you ever been to the other side?
Have you ever been the one who died?
I bet you haven't cause you're alive.

no idea what the fuck this is about

There I was. Nothing else. Just me. Blackness. Its strange how you can tell that you're moving even when none of your senses are working. It was some sort of falling and spinning combination. Maybe it was just vertigo. The emptiness slowly faded into blackness. I was definitely falling. I could feel the wind. No more spinning. Just the wind. There was no movement involved in this fall. I could tell. Just like when I could tell before. Then it hit me. Not a physical blow, but a realization. My eyes could work, but I had to make them work. I had no unconscious. Total awareness. Total control. Neuron fire. Nerve transmit. Muscle receive. Muscle act. Repeat. So much is required to just keep the head upright. But don't forget to make the heart pump. Senses sense. Brain coordinate. Too much. Too much. Just let it all stop. Will I still be without the physical things that make me? Oh. I failed. No more control. The unconscious was there. Just hiding. Waiting until it was sorely needed then stepping in when it would be appreciated most. No one is aware of how much it does. Never underestimate your subconscious.

get our shit together

The more I pay attention to the world around me, the more I wish I hadn't. I'm not talking about the natural world, that is wonderful. I mean the man made world: the world that we live in. Unless you're a hermit up in the mountains or out in the desert or somewhere else equally remote, the only natural world that you see is what little is allowed by the human world. Of course you could counter by saying that humans are natural and therefore the human world is natural, but again that's not what I'm getting at. I guess I should define my terms. By the natural world I mean the parts of the world that do not require human input to survive and in some cases are detrimented by human interference. I've pretty much forgotten what I originally set out to say, but what does that matter. Now I'm saying something different. Plans are by necessity meant to be adjusted as the situation changes. The world is like that. As humans were first becoming the dominant species on the planet it was necessary for us to physically conquer our environment. Unfortunately this mentality has carried over into our time. I think we've pretty much conquered nature, at least in the sense that we really don't need to keep beating it down. If this were boxing, I'm pretty sure we'd be damn near a knock out at this point. We need to adapt our fundamental way of living to our modern times. We are at a tipping point. For the first time in our history, and by first time I mean the last hundred or so years, humans are truly capable of physically destroying our world to the point where complex life is no longer possible. This is a terrifying fact that we truly need to acknowledge. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE? We need to get our fucking shit together and start acting like we give a damn about the well-being of life other than our own.