we'll have another sentence before we get to the now

It's been a long time... Whatever that means, I mean it with an emphasis on the meaning of meaning. Now that we've weeded out the swine who can't understand basic English syntax, we can get down to the real business at hand. Of course it would help if we knew what that business was, but unfortunately that is not to be. On a side note, never put the not between the to and the be. It's okay to boldly put only one adverb there. As it turns out, the real business at hand is to give me a hand with my business. That sounds wrong. Maybe we should just call the whole thing off. Or we could start businessing our hands for real. No that sounds wrong as well. What I meant to say is 'I'm in the business of real hands.' I can get you a decent pair, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg. Now I'm wearing out the cliches faster than a Tijuana hooker. Talking of Tijuana hookers they sure know how to give you a hand with your business. Let's get our minds out of the gutter here and start thinking of important matters, although I'm not sure how anything can matter if it's not important. The important thing is to remember the matters we are discussing, whatever they may happen to be. And since we are going to remember them, we'd better start discussing them. Otherwise it would be a waste to have remembered them. Of course I have no recollection of said things or matters, no matter how important they may have been going to be. Ah-ha, bet you weren't expecting that. I don't even know what tense it is. Definitely perfect continuous, possibly present or future. I'm thinking present perfect continuous, but the to be at the end is throwing me for a loop. Oh what I wouldn't give to be at the end of this jumble of words, but sadly it is not to be. There sure is a lot of being in this particular whatever-it-is that I am writing at this particular time. All the particulars seem to be in order, but I can't say the same of the participants. It really doesn't seem like you are even trying to understand what I'm saying. Of course I could just be saying nothing in particular, in which case you may be understanding me all too clearly. We can't have that, you ungrateful bastards. I'll show you what happens when you try to understand what I'm saying. Nothing good can come of it. I swear by the god in whom I don't believe. Stop it! Stop it right now! I can feel you this instant, desperately trying to understand this strange convolution of perfect English syntax and grammar, but it won't work. There is no sense here. All the trains have departed. There will be no law and order. There will be no death and destruction. There will be no elephants. Okay maybe there will be a couple elephants, but not too many. We don't want them crowding up the place. And we can't have any more than one octopus, because then we'd have octopodes. Ha, this damn spell-checker doesn't even know fucking English. Trying to tell me that the plural of octopus is octopuses when anyone in their right mind would know that because it comes from the greek the correct plural form is octopodes. Now I'm just jabbering on, so I guess I will come to the end right about... No I was just fooling we'll have another sentence before we get to the now.